Mustaches are a rite of passage for men, hipsters or not. Just about every man in his lifetime has or wants to have a mustache, and when you decide officially that the mustache is your style of choice, it doesn’t just stop with the decision to grow hair.
The Best Mustache for Every Type of Hipster
There are lots of different types of mustaches, and the right one can propel you to hipster fame and glory. Whether you can grow a full beard in no time at all or you have trouble getting your hair to grow at all, there’s a hipster mustache for you.
Hipster mustaches come in all shapes and sizes, but choosing the right one can be tricky. The best advice is to play around with different types until you find one that suits your face and your hipster desires.
Here’s our definitive list to get you started on your no-shave journey.
The French Handlebar – A Classic Hipster Choice
There’s nothing more obviously hipster than the French handlebar. It screams masculine glory in the days of radical paintings and bohemian drinking collectives. If you’ve got the chops to grow your facial hair nice and thick, this is one for the books.
To get the French handlebar, you’ll have to grow your mustache down past your mouth and be committed to a grooming regimen each and every day. The ends should be long enough to curl up into that famous look, and the ends should be nice and neat.
The bigger the curl, the greater the glory.
But how do you get your mustache to curl like that? You’ll need a few accessories. First, mustache wax is critical for giving the overall mustache shape and ensuring your curl stays throughout the day. You’ll also need a comb designed for grooming facial hair in just the right shape.
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- ALL-NATURAL MATTERS WHEN IT’S THAT CLOSE! Even the most careful among us get a mouthful of mustache once in a while. Many waxes on the market are petroleum based—that’s...
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Begin by wetting your mustache and working in a small bit of wax. Begin combing your mustache to each side of your mouth with a careful part that falls just under your nose.
Twist the ends and add tiny bits of was to them until they stay in place. It may take some practice getting the perfect balance between too much and not enough mustache was.
This style works well on its own, or you can carefully groom a full beard to its full glory if you can manage it. If your beard is patchy, leave all the spotlight to the mustache. This style is suitable for special occasions but may be frustrating for everyday wear.
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The Chevron – An 80’s Staple Revisited
The Chevron mustache is a naturally shaped mustache that’s easy to grow and helps balance out facial features. It was (and still is) made famous by Tom Selleck and is currently the choice of Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), the manliest man.
The Chevron emphasizes a natural mustache shape and is good for everyday wear. To get the Chevron look, you’ll need to decide your shape early on and use proper tools to ensure that you get a precision cut.
The look relies heavily on symmetry. Since you can’t curl to account for differences in length or shape, you’ll want to check for symmetry daily.
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Do not, we repeat, do not use your scissors for anything else. Trim the hair carefully until the mustache falls flush with your upper lip.
Get the comb from the French Handlebar mustache section and ensure that your inner Magnum P.I. is always in the spotlight. Manly men, unite.
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The Pencil – AKA – Mustaches for Men Who Can’t Grow Beards
Can’t grow a full beard? Got patchy facial hair?
Don’t worry; there’s still a chance for you. The Pencil mustache began as an alternative to the bushy hair of the Victorian Era and is the perfect solution for gentlemen hipsters who can’t grow a handlebar.
It requires careful styling and planning to get this mustache right. If you don’t, you stray into con-man territory or worse, a John Waters creeper.
When done right, you harken back to the glory days of Old Hollywood and offer your baby-face a manly accent.
To get the pencil right, you’ll need to grow your mustache out as much as you can for about a month to ensure you have plenty of flexibility to get the shape right.
Use small, light strokes with a good razor to shave the lines on either side of your nose. It should follow more of a straight line and sit just above the upper lip.
Play with the shape but ensure you’re grooming at least every other day or every day, depending on your growth.
The English Mustache – The Not Quite Handlebar
So you want to show off your mustache’s length, but you don’t want to be the 147th gentleman with a handlebar. The English Mustache could be your answer.
This style requires the same length as the French Handlebar, but instead of curling upwards, the ends are pointed straight out in a line.
You’ll need to commit to the styling and ensure that your mustache has enough thickness to support it.
It’s also easier to style day-to-day, and you can keep the ends on the shorter side for days when you don’t want to style at all. If you have a beard, you can just brush them down into the lines of your beard or go for a modified Chevron.
If you want loads of drama, grow the ends out as much as you can so they stand far from your face.
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The Walrus – For the Man’s Man
The Walrus requires a commitment to forward-thinking facial hair since it has the thickest, longest, most talked about growth. Sam Elliott makes this style famous.
This is for men who can grow a full beard from sun up to sun down and still wake up kicking.
To get this look, channel your best impression of Wyatt Earp mixed with Captain Ahab. It’s all or nothing.
Don’t trim until you have so much face fuzz you can’t see your mouth anymore. Then, keep it just below the rim of your top lip for the full walrus effect.
This type of mustache benefits from a good beard and mustache oil that can condition the skin and encourage growth.
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You may also want to stock up on vitamins and supplements designed to encourage luscious locks so that you’re guaranteed as much thick growth as possible.
Conditioning the mustache is the way to go. It helps the mustache lay down flat and stay put so that you don’t look homeless.
Get something light enough to keep the hair healthy and consider something you can also use to get your skin conditioned.
And for the love of all hipsters, invest in a good comb.
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The U-Shape – AKA Ultimate Mustache Smackdown
Ok, fine. You aren’t satisfied with a mustache until you feel the way Teddy Roosevelt must have sitting on the back of that moose (ok, it’s fake, but Teddy’s manly-chops certainly weren’t).
If you’ve got the chops and the confidence to rock the U-Shape, aka the Hulk Hogan, go for it.
There is literally no one who can top your mustache glory now. Get all the supplements, beard oils, and combs you can. Grow until you can’t even see your own face anymore and then trim carefully until the shape goes from your hose to your chin and beyond.
You, rebel, you.
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U-Shapes aren’t for the faint of heart, but in honor of No-Shave November, this could be the sweet reward of glory for December. Make sure you have the best razor around for getting the shape right and go out into that fair night with your face crowned in glory.
We salute you.
Caution, do not try this style if you have patchy hair, you aren’t willing to answer questions about how you get your beard to do such amazing things, and if you don’t own at least one Fisherman’s beanie.
Oh, and use your powers only for good.
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Getting the Perfect Mustache
Growing a mustache is work, but with the right tools and the right style, you can have a hipster mustache that makes everyone in the room take note.
Commit to styling that ‘stache the right way, and you’re looking at instant hipster glory.
Whether you’ve only got enough hair for a pencil or you can grow the full U-shape, whether you’ve got the patience for the handlebar or want to wash and go with a Chevron, a mustache can happen for you if you only believe in yourself.
If you aren’t growing a mustache, what are you doing with your life! Get to it, hipster.