Meet The Team
Bjarni Bareleg
Possessing the combined brawn of Wrestlemania III, but the brain of a travel alarm clock Bjarni mainly loiters at the HQ waiting for manual lifting or intimidation tasks. He survives purely on a diet of fizzy drinks, crisp sandwiches and vacant stares. Outside of work hours no-one really knows what Bjarni does since no-one ever thought to ask. We assume it's pretty much the same as he does in work time, but for someone else. Whoever that is, we pity them.
Dr. Willem von Tinkel
Willem is a certified Doctor of Fashionology from Denver University. A serial entrepreneur his last venture Backillows – a pillow made entirely of mens backhair, has yet to receive the critical acclaim expected. Willem cites himself as the original creator of the "Same Shit, Different Day" t-shirt, the rights to which have seen him in a protracted legal battle with anyone who'll listen. Willem cites his interests as plundering, conquering and conflict.
Budge Becher
A Mystery Analyst, Shaman and Europes most respected Sea Monkey breeder. A rollercoaster life of admittedly mainly downs, has see Budge learn to laugh in lifes face, even while it craps on him from a great height. A veteran jobsworth – Budge began his extraordinary career selling Icecream at Speedball 2 tournaments. A chance encounter with a priest resulted in him becoming the UI Designer for Bowmar's Electronic Calculating Machines. Until recently he worked as a Raumschach Teacher, but was fired after allegations of match fixing. He now passing his days preaching the gospels of mystery and ignorance.
Rikard Riefenstall
Rikard is the noted swedish porn producer, famous for the 1960s softcore classic "pussys with moustaches". His love of animal life nurtured whilst growing up on his parents Zebra farm. He lists his hobbies as drinking milk, which when informed that is not really a hobby, angrily responded "Shut Up! Shut the voices up! I love the milk. It is white and thick, like me". Rikard is a virtual recluse these days due to a paralysing fear of fire extinguishers.
Mad Dog McKinski
Mad Dog suffers from the dehabiliating Diceman Disease rendering him incapable of decision making, no matter how trivial. The Hipstery team liberated him for a life of servitude, having found him washing glasses at a seedy local Berlin Tavern. We secured his loyalty by clearing his intimidating large Jägermeister debt. In return he now mopes around the corridors of the HQ complaining about migraines and "The choices! So many choices!". The owner of a brilliant mind to which he's unfortunately lost the only key, rumour has it Mad Dog was the was inspiration behind the phrase "the lights are on, but no-one is home".
The Hipstery Elf
A highly volatile team member, in an average week The Hipstery elf flips more than a circus acrobat. Originally a temporary fixture she became physically incapable of leaving the project out of fear we wouldn't adhere to the strict processes and procedures she devised. Usually found in the early mornings beavering around the bunker alphabetising stationary and loudly berating anyone who touches anything to "Leave it! Respect the process! Respect the process!".
