I had a very minor operation yesterday and will be in bed the next few days feeling sorry for myself and commanding my butler, the Hipstery Elf, to fulfil my ever whim.

Budge is in Sweden on holiday in a big dilapidated bus he swapped with a  hippie for 60 cigarettes and a case of Club Mate.

Rikard is a recluse so he’s at home as usual but ignoring me on skype since he should be finishing up screens for the new site but isn’t. Here’s some sneaky cryptic sneak secret peak image dumps at what we have finished so far……

That’s not going to reveal too much but shows you we are getting there, or at least somewhere, slowly. The Hipstery is purely a labour of love, and not something for which we extract fiscal benefit and so often its forced to occupy the quiet moments when we’ve finished prostituting ourselves in whatever manner possible, to keep the lights on and the vodka flowing in the secret bunker.

Our new programmer (a juggling unicycle rider, I kid you not) keeps waiting until he thinks no-one is looking then goes on another holiday! If we actually had any money I’d have to assume he was embezzling it. So the new site is progressing slllllooooowly from a technical side. I’ve purchased large quantities of duck tape, and I plan on affixing him permanently to his swivel chair, to stop him holidaying further until his tasks are completed.

Ah, the strife and struggles of running a chaotic liberation service….

“Hipstery elf?! Run me a bath double quick, you can massage my feet while I’m in there as well you lousy slacker, I’m recovering from a very seriously, minor operation here. Jesus, you just can’t get the help.”

Dear New Master,

I am Igor. I am applying to be your new scapegoat. My previous employer (Dr.Frankenstein) has been forced to move to the arctic with his monster (girlfriend). I was shoved out of the picture, thus I am looking for new employment. In my previous job I pulled levers and was blamed for all of the power outages, fires, injuries, deaths, and bad brain transplants that occurred in and around the lab. I think I will be able to handle any of the blame that Hipstery can throw at me. If you wish to have references I can provide them.

Skills:
-Talking with a lisp
-Being able to take verbal/physical abuse
-Being able to withstand Tar and Feathering
-Being able to accept all blame for any mistake
-Having a big hunchback
-I work for free T-shirts and grass

I did a talk a few months back at a social media conference, about the Hipstery. When I arrived there was a proud moment in which the Hipsterys logo was next to Googles and Facebooks (there was a representative from both world enslaving corporations there talking as well) on the speakers wall. I looked at the poster and felt, as i’ve hinted already – proud. Proud like watching your eldest smoke their first pipe. Proud like when you wagged your first day from high school. Proud.

Today I feel prouder than that and this is why:

The good people at Bizarre magazine featured us in their new August edition. For those of you who don’t know Bizarre magazine its one of those times when the clue is in the title. Bizarre. If you like midget strippers, comparing tatoo’s, topless asian chicks or being forced to answer questions like ‘necrophilia, bestiality or coprophilia? Pick one’….then its the magazine for you. They ordered a couple of times from the Hipstery and proudly displayed us in their ‘buy curious’ (get it? get it? clever) section. Being graphically close to Facebook and Google was nice, but Bizarre topped that ten fold nestling us in next to such legendary product genius as – Battle Hamsters, Ice-cream Art Toys and a Thigh strap-on. Yep, battle hamsters. No, I don’t know either. Don’t even ask me. Yep I want them too.

Click the below thumbnail for visual confirmation.

Thanks Bizarre and welcome to our new Bizarre-reading-hipstery-shirt-wearing-coupon-code-using-patrons. It’s a pleasure to be able to liberate you. We hope one day to meet you in person at a Battle Hamster deathmatch party.

In with a very cute apologetic letter was no less than 10 paper cranes (from a 1000 crane making project), which now proudly adorn my desk. 

Bjarni and I tried to make some origami of our own to send back with the replacement shirt. I was very confident about my skills and attempted to make a pregnant emo unicorn. However no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get the hair right and it all descended into chaos and turned into an origami paper ball. Bjarni made a paper airplane that flew as well as a football field of lead. Our failure only increased the enjoyment we have of our new lucky cranes. Thanks Lily!

(you can read the letter best in picture two)

[View with PicLens]

But better late than not at all, here, now, this instant we can share with you at least some of the items from the box of wonderment. Since us men are utter useless at handicraft type shenanigans, the box was lovingly crafted by the Hipstery elf our newest, and the first female t-shirt scientist (in training). My gay uncle Bernard was wrong all along, women really do have their uses. If you’re reading Bernard – thanks for nothing, please return my silver trillby!

Now to the box, we should note that a secret stowaway jumped into the box at the last moment. None other than Johnson Lambert Stapleton II, my childhood teddy turned traitor. He came with a letter, I scanned a copy I found on the printer (no doubt he left a copy for me to find, one last dagger to my heart), its also in the gallery below.

Johnson if you’re reading – you’re nothing but a ungrateful yellow swine. I burnt all the pictures of us together. You’re dead to me.

Read the letter from Johnson

[View with PicLens]

The public have voted, the Hipstery team have voted, we can now reveal the winner of this fun little contest that saw us peeping into your hearts and wardrobes.

Here is the rundown from the public vote (we’ve awarded 5 points for 1st, 3 for 2nd, 2 for 3rd, 1 for 4th). Leaving:

Public Vote

• Jana = 5points
• Frederick = 3points
• Steffanie = 2points
• Elenora = 1point

Internally I’d like to tell you we  squabbled, bitch slapped and fought to the death before deciding our votes, but actually consensus formed amongst the team, which is highly unusual. This consensus saw a clean sweep of votes for Michel and his fiery Italian Grandma. Followed by Jana’s “everyone poops” with 3 points. Steffanie took third place from the team and a special mention from Rikard for the similarities between his Charlie Chaplin in Charlie Chaplin t-shirt and her boyfriends t-shirt of him in a t-shirt featuring him on the t-shirt if that makes even a modicum of sense. Elenora and the Italian ladies (a Hipstery bias towards Italian women emerging here?) finished fourth in the team vote scooping up one point.

Hipstery Vote

• Michel = 5points
• Jana = 3points
• Steffanie = 2points
• Elenora = 1point

Statiscians get your calculator watches ready…..

Grand Total

1st place Jana with 8 points

2nd place Michel with 5 points

3rd place Steffanie with 4 points

4th place Frederick with  3 points

So Jana is the winner of our Hipstery Mystery Box of Wonderment. Congratulations! Michel, Steffanie and Frederick all win two hipstery experiences, one for you and one for the person in the photo. Dressings Michels grandma will be a formidable challenge for the Hipstery team, but we look forward to perusing her survey results…

Thanks to all of you who took part and created some excellent entries and got your friends to vote, its really appreciated!

This was the first time we’d attempted a photographic contest involving our fine Hipstery patrons. After a slow start the team got jittery that you have greater social options than us and might be too busy to take part. If there was no entrants to pick from Rikard offered to dress his milkman Gregor in his favourite t-shirt which, I’m sure you’ll be interested to know has a large motif of milk carton with Rikards face on it where the Missing Child would normally be.

Noble patrons, we should never have doubted your commitment! You brought home the bacon! Figuratively of course, possibly you don’t even like bacon, that’s not of our concern. Superb entries rolled in depicting tech savvy grannies, stormtroopers, Italian henchmen, bowler hatted teddy bears, the usual oddball conglomerate of weirdness and eccentricity that we’ve come to expect from you all.

Below is a gallery of all the entries and we’d like your help to pick the winner. Peruse them, study them, know them, learn them, internally rank them and then decide your favourites. Picking one is probably too hard, so we’ll let you pick two (since we’ve multiple prizes). Vote for them at the bottom of this post!  Your vote counts for 50%, the Hipstery teams vote for the other 50%.

[View with PicLens]

I also planned to join this one and reached out to the Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya asking him to model the “same shit, different day” t-shirt I invented many years ago, but his office have yet to reply. For you its an opportunity to dress your grandpa in your small pink girlie “where my bitches at?” t-shirt. It should be a visual treat for us all and a chance to share not only your favourite cotton pleasure canvas but also your most special human friend. It would be pleasurable if you also told us a little about why you’re endeared to them so.

The Prizes

Overall winner – Gets a Mystery Hipstery puzzlement compendium box.

3 Runners Up – Double Hipstery Experiences, one each for you and your favourite person.

How to enter

Easiest way is to comment a link to your photo here, or mail us the photo and we’ll post it here.

You can also add it to flickr and tag it #hipsterycontest or tweet the link to it with tag #hipstery.

Deadline

The end of t-shirt day which is next Monday 21st June. Let the games begin………

Picking a winner is difficult since you’re all very valid in your own mental malfunctions, we’re no-one to judge. However there was one entry that struck a cord with Bjarni and I (Willem). It was the entry from Sebastian Andersson about Dumbo, Pinocchio and circuses. Bjarni faints at the sight of an elephant, he’s still so traumatised from the movie Dumbo. He fought an unfortunate and rather spectacularly unsuccessful fight to have it reclassified as an 18 rated movie in his youth. Why the lovable elephant with the gargantuan ears frightens him so, he’s not saying but hints something about liquor and hallucinations. Sebastian’s actual fear was Circuses, which resonated with me, since I’m also afraid of them. A travelling band of homeless misfits encouraging children to watch them perform tricks. Don’t even get me started on clowns, who’ve done well out of scaring children and boring’/terrifying adults in equal measure (I’m on the side of terrifying). Or satanic midget circus masters. Bearded ladies. This is not a place to send anyone, let alone impressionable children.

Congratulations Sebastian you win yourself one free Hipstery experience!

In other news, we’ve two promo’s planned for this week. The first will be the launch of the “favourite person, favourite shirt”, an extended FFF contest to coincide with Intl T-shirt Day on the 21st June suggested by Francesca from FFF two weeks ago. More on that tomorrow hopefully.

The second will be a gift voucher price special, offering you yet further incentive to liberate your friends and love ones this international t-shirt day. We’ll announce that at the end of the week.

Update: All clear on the source of Bjarni’s bedwetting, check this out:

It’s been our best six weeks ever in terms of successful liberations. That’s meant we’ve been able to restock the shelves with some new brands that we’re exuberant at being able to share with you (we’ll only reveal one now, most will get their own post when the shirts actually arrive).

The topic of this post is a brand new shirt that our friends here in Berlin PeachBeach have printed especially for us (well they had a few of them before, but they’ve printed us a larger run so more of you can enjoy it). It’s called “Everything is Okay” and we think its a particularly beautiful example of typography, and also a very timely concept in this era of volcanic ashclouds, oil slicks, pandemic illnesses that don’t really exist but scare your parents.

Remember folks, it’s all going to be okay. Probably. This shirt will also form the basis of this weeks Facebook Fan Friday question, come and enter an you could one free Hipstery experience.