After causing a near Facebook fan page riot by dissing our method of picking a winner to the earlier random fact about your parner contest, Lydia only went on to pick the winning number (7) in our hastily announced please don’t hate us additional contest – winning herself a free shirt. It was as if she had the whole thing planned all along, rebellion never tasted so sweet. We sat down with the little minx to find out about Gary Oldman, Marmite and what you are really supposed to do with Fruit Pastilles.

1. How did you find out about our mystery service?

I have an over enthusiastic boyfriend who told me about the Hipstery, I fear he loves you more than me.

2. How was the experience and what did our fashionologists of cool select for you?

The experience was thoroughly enjoyable, I received a fun t-shirt with a person in a moose costume saying ‘I am Not Cute’, even though they are! And an outcast t-shirt with a lovely picture of a tree and cherubs.

3. My friend Konrad told me once that women who have elongated chins are more fertile. What’s the most retarded thing someone tried to convince you of?

I have to warn you before I start that this is a very explicit and may not be suitable for anyone. I was once told that someone I knew, knew someone that had wanted to spice up their sex life with their girlfriend. They bought a packet of Fruit Pastilles and proceeded to insert 3 of them…

[okay we’re censoring it there, our mums might be reading. Trust us, if you knew the outcome, you and your appetite would thank us, it ends in hospital rather badly for the central protagonist as well]

4. If you could be any fictional moving picture actor who would it be and why?

Gary Oldman, obviously. [of course, silly question now that we think about it more]

5. Rikard loves milk, what do you love?

Marmite, more than my boyfriend.

[coincidentally we ran out of marmite today, I was spreading it on my toast, went back into the jar for another dip, none came out. I was heartbroken. I just smashed the jar on the floor and trudged back to bed, sometimes when something like that happens you just know the day is over, there’s no point fighting it, just sleep it through. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get Marmite in Germany? Very hard friends, very hard….

1. How did you find out about our mystery service?

Dave Hayward: To be truthful I would have to say that I can’t quite remember how I found out about your services, maybe they found me?

2. How many times did you order now? What was your favourite shirt that we picked for you?

Dave Hayward: I have ordered twice from you fine folks now, one regular and one Outcast shirt. Ironically I liked the Outcast even more than the regular! Which moronic neanderthals returned it in the first place?

3. Thank you, we wouldn’t have expected anything else. When I was younger I wanted to be a train driver. I thought it must be very glamorous to be a train driver. You get to go to exotic places like Mannheim, and wear a hat! I also imagined you’d get a sweet discount from the trolley lady. Now they rarely have trolley ladies and I think sometimes they are not even ladies now, or they got uglier, like men. I bet you don’t even get to wear a hat anymore, but you can probably still go to Mannheim. What did you dream of becoming when you ‘grew up’?

Dave Hayward: When I was of the child persuasion I always fancied myself as a butcher. Maybe it was all the large utensils or the smell of freshly chopped meat, but either way I thought those guys were badass.

4. I recently watched the movie The Road. Absolutely nothing interesting or positive happens in The Road, its one big long depression in movie format. Don’t watch it. I realise that is more of a tip than a question, and so I’ll add a little twist here at the end of this sentence (something that would have made a nice addition to the yawn fest they call The Road), what movie would you suggest I avoid?

Dave Hayward: I quite enjoyed the Road actually, I thought it rather refreshing that there was not the usual hollywood twist of “But they all lived happilly ever after”. The only film I would warn you and everyone else to avoid is the film “Dragon Wars”. Just stay away from it.

5. I’m coming to your house for dinner. No really I am, I googled you and now I know where you live. I’m going to come over and not take off my shoes and then lay on your couch and fart loudly and blame it on your dog. Then i’ll want feeding. What will you cook me?

Dave Hayward: Well now that you’ve given me enough warning, I’ll probably whip up a beef stew with dumplings and a Marble cake (made by the little lady no less) for dessert. How does that sound?

Very delicious. Thank you very much, Mister Hayward.

After the troops staged a mini revolt we doubled our prize bounty for this week, where we’ll now give away two shirts.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bagels/ / CC BY 2.0

Contest one was our “tell us an obscure fact about your (desired) partner”. There Niek informed us that devil women are attracted to men with fashionable t-shirts (our all male scientist team can concur). Also that Marc’s ladyfriend can’t be around styrofoam, which it turned our was nearly the same for all of us, nasty stuff. We learnt not to mess with Lydia, who’s boyfriends dad designs weapon targeting systems, although they are probably no threat to the heightened security here in our secret bunker. Jack enlightened us that Hamsters and Guinea Pigs are “COMPLETELY different species of rodent!” courtesy of his small and furry loving girlfriend (a guinea pig jumper?!?! Sounds like a job for the fashion police). Those funny weirdo’s at Hello You Creatives told us that their idea of a good weekend is getting into the filth with a small army of Russian Cleaners. There were also Chess champions, showering Werewolves and braided hair. Thanks to all who took part, it was by far the most entertaining responses to a challenge we ever received.

The winner after long debate was David Hayward who informed that our favourite chocolate company Cadbury’s employs not only tasters (now that’s a job, currently his girlfriends mums so don’t get any ideas) but also makes a special chocolate bar only for the Queen! The sheet audacity of the woman having her own Cadbury’s chocolate was such a shocking revelation, that well, we’ve never quite recovered from it. Who does she think she is? Anyway, that’s a whole separate debate, David you are the winner and you can expect your gift voucher anyday now.

To win our second contest you just had to guess the amount the first person donated for their outcast shirt. This was a not unreasonable €7. Lydia got this smack bang on the nose early on and so is the second contest winner, congrats. An average of all your entries was €9.20, a little too optimistic but we appreciate your faith in our shirts and the generosity of our patrons

Lastly we’ve exciting news the Hipstery is relocating to a new secret bunker in the heart of Berlin. Not because it’s a “cool city”, a favourite of skinny poor artist hipsters in American Apparel gold spandex. Nothing to do with that. It just makes more sense logistically (more of the team will be based there), and we’ve outgrown our Leipzig hideout – its time to try our luck in a new city. As a result of us spending more time in Berlin scouting locations orders will be a little slower to ship, emails a little slower to be answered in the next few weeks. Not majorly, but we’re just warning you.

And meet another winner: Kev Field won last week’s quiz with his personal and entertaining anecdote. As promised he not only won a free Mystery Shirt, but also a spot in our very own Hipstery Journal. Here is what we were able to squeeze out in our friendly inquisition:

1 How did you find out about our mystery service and how much convincing did you need that it was legitimate?

I use Mozilla Firefox for internet browsing and the add-on Stumble which picks out random web-sites thru the preferences you have chosen for your profile. So I stumbled into the “Hipstery” site and just like “Stumble” giving me mystery from the internet, “Hipstery” gave me mystery in my T-shirt choice……
It wasn’t like it was a crazy gamble but it intrigued me nonetheless since as an internet consumer, we’re deluged now by choice, which far from simplifies that choice, it complicates it.

2. How was the experience and what did our sultans of cool select for you?

I used to collect alot of house music vinyl when I was a dj and often the record shop was busy on a weekend and as much as you would like to hear the vinyl before purchase, it wasn’t always the case so I would go home with alot of records under my arm which I trusted the man in the shops’ choice. When I got home and unwrapped the vinyl and played the tune for the first time, on finding out it was a great tune, it gave you a buzz just hearing it. Choosing a t-shirt from your website is on that same principal, I trusted you and you delivered!!
I’ve even forgotten who designed the T-shirt, there’s an “American Apparel” tag inside but is that just the Tee it’s printed on?? But that is the ideal, if you want a “designer” “standard” “uniform” t-shirt, there are plenty of other sites catering for that. I feel your site is more of a “vibe” thing than anything else and if it feels right, do it.

3. You look young in your picture. Did you ever even kiss a girl? What do you look for in a partner?

Young? If hitting the big 4-0 this year is young then I’m good with that. Kissed a girl, lots when I was younger but now I stick to women. As for a partner, I have no “type” other than tall, slim(ish), and as equally if not more intelligent than myself, it has been my downfall most of my life but I like the challenge an edgy, feisty woman brings to a relationship. Can’t do the norm, been riding this roller-coaster most my life and I’m not getting off.

4. You told us about your very personal brush with the boys in blue. What was the end of that story? Did your employers mind or did they take it in good humour? When drunk do you no longer converse with the local constabulary?

My relationship with the “Boys in Blue” is in the norm a good one, first name terms in fact. I think it’s a tough profession and like us all they have good days and bad days, they are human (well some of them!) What they might see as high jinx one day, they might consider it drunk and disorderly the next, free bed and breakfast [wink].
I work in the construction industry where stories such as the one I’ve told you are positively encouraged….I work away from home alot and when you have the chance to catch up with friends, it’s usually on a weekend, copious amounts of Jaeger-bombs (and Suicide-bombs, a jaeger-bomb with a shot of tequila in) are involved, the combination of alcohol and Red-Bull (other energy drinks are available…) get me into that great state of drunk AND hyper-active!!

5. Who is most famous person you’ve ever met.

To actually talk to, the most famous person is Sir Alan Shearer at York Railway station, England. As an amateur footballer (soccer), I played the same position as Sir Alan, he’s a true football legend to me and he said to “play hard, play fair but play to win”. You can guess how much of a hero he is to me as he’s not even been knighted (yet) so is not officially a “Sir” but in football terms he will always be Sir Alan Shearer.

We didn’t know that Sir Alan Shearer wasn’t knighted yet, but he definitely deserved it – pretty much as yourself, Kev. Thank you.

We work hard to pick only winners in the shirts we select for the Hipstery. When we do fail, like all good humans we like to sweep that failure under the rug. Unfortunately we have no rug, and sweeping rejected shirts under a rug constitutes a tripping hazard. So instead we have a corner of the office affectionately known as “Outcast Corner”, home of the loser shirts. Why are they loser shirts? Well usually its you that decides they are, most of the time we still like them, but we can’t always be right and so if a shirt gets returned twice, all matching t-shirts get yanked over to Outcast corner.

As an experiment, since we are scientists and all, we are opening up Outcast Corner and offering you a chance to give a loving home to one of our neglected, jilted Outcast shirts. They just need the good loving of a nice open minded person. We really want them to go to a better place, so the good news is we won’t even charge you for them, nothing, nadda, zilch. To get one you just need to pay the usual Hipstery shipping fees.

What’s the catch? Well after receiving and evaluating it, we would invite you to paypal us whatever you think its worth, from €0.01 up to the usual €17. Naturally we’ll let you know how many people do actually send us a donation for the shirt and what amounts they are. We ask only that you be fair with your donation and honestly evaluate your new cotton friend.

Like any good German I must of course establish the rules.

The Rules

- Only one shirt per order.
- You still have to pay the normal shipping price.
- You will need a paypal account to send us your donation.
- Strictly limited.
- No exchanges or refunds (but we’ll suggest some other uses for the tshirt in a later post).

Promotion starts 9am CET this Thursday for just one day. We’ll de-activate the coupon code and let you know here when its over. To take part use the coupon code “iloveoutcasts” on Thursday, naturally it’s valid only for ordering outcast shirts.

Why is a shirt banished to Outcast Corner?

There are many reasons why a shirt might end up in Outcast Corner where it sits lonely and unloved. Most likely its because it got returned two times, that’s a strict rule of ours, if one design comes back two separate times, all other shirts with that motif get banished to Outcast Corner.

Other times sites will give us free shirts when we put in big orders and they just aren’t quite Hipstery standard.

Sometimes we order shirts late at night when we are in a drunken stupor and then in the cold harsh light of soberality – they are just not right for the masses.

What you see below (we have agreement to republish this letter here of course) is the recommendation letter we wrote Thom singing the praises of this mystery girl. After checking her out and a very pleasant email exchange recommending her was elementary, she’s a knockout.

Lets hope their love grows like a nasty bout of Trichophyton rubrum.

Our first winner is the Flynnster, we sat down by the fireside and got to know each other. Here is all we learnt.

1. How did you find out about our mystery service?

My girlfriend Alicia Ochsner actually referred me to you guys, basically sending me a link to the Facebook page saying “hey, Hipstery = Hipster + Mystery, you should join, any questions?” And well, of course with that kinda explanation there were no questions. Once I mentioned to her that I won the shirt, she immediately claimed that she should get it, but oh well, her fault for not being good at random contests. That being said, if you guys send her something, she said she would totally love you forever, and Alicia’s love isn’t cheap, so you should totally go for it.

[Editors Note: Alicia also gets a free shirt then. Yeah. Nice. This blatant generosity might be what’s fueling the explosion of new friends to our Facebook Fan page. Are you one yet?]

2. Tell us an obscure fact you know that we probably don’t

The world’s biggest rock-paper-scissor tournament had 1150 people in it. How many of them made the poor decision to throw paper first, I’m not sure.

[Editors Note: You are correct Flynnster, I did not know this, and that is fascinating. Also that growing up here in Europe we always called it paper-scissors-stone.]

3. What’s the last thing that happened which made you giddy with happiness?

Finding out one of my friends still owns a working N64, and pulling off the button timing for a fast Mario Kart start on my first try. An entire childhood well spent.

[Editors Note: An N64? What is this technology you speak of? Is it Alien? You are so blessed to live in America. Just last night I was at a LAN party here playing the latest hot game we have in East Germany, Repton on my BBC Micro. Have you seen it? It’s very impressive, graphically superior even to anything I could draw with a crayon]

4. Rikard loves milk, what do you love?

Winning Hipstery shirts?

5. Tell us about your favourite t-shirt site

Dirty Coast – they’ve got shirts that have a really local feel. And to anyone in New Orleans, they’re completely understandable and fun.

[Editors Note: Good tip, well designed, probably not general enough for most of the shirts to fit the Hipstery, but an excellent niche t-shirt site]

Thanks to Flynn for taking the time to answer our inane questions, and to Alicia for inviting him to our Facebook group. Look for another FFF on Friday.

Now is the time of year when young ones come together to express their mutual yearning. Whether it be during a romantic candlelight dinner, or after several tequila’s in an alleyway. Love is in the air, fluid will be exchanged.

No matter your current level of romantic entanglement, the Hipstery wants to help you! We are to romance what Zorro was to the sword, what……um..cheese is to the cheeseburger. Here is the deal….

This Friday and Saturday (February 5th and 6th, so you’ve time to receive it before the big day) every order you make for your muse in which you,

1. Use our “it’s a gift” survey,
2. Adding the gift wrap/dedication option
3. Enter the coupon code “cupidstupid”

Will be a special romantic edition. The code will reduce your order price by €3. Along with some changes to our normal gifts and packaging you can also pick one of the following bonus gifts (all available in English or German language – only as long as stocks last!):

1. Smoking Hot (A Love Poem)
Let the Hipstery elevate your love yearnings and sweeten the apple of your eye with a tasteful love poem. You tell us a little about your love, we’ll hand-written prose so sickly sweet they’ll vomit with approval.

2. Wilful intent (A Love Letter)
Has the object of your affection been resistant so far to your unique spell? The Hipstery team could sell fish to the ocean. We’ll write a heart-warming letter to your muse setting them straight on why you would be life’s perfect copilot.

3. Diminishing Interest (Relationship Advice)
Women cannot resist our t-shirt scientists. Neither can Men, which is sometimes slightly irritating. Tell us your difficult situation, we will advise an ingenious solution.

4. I love you like a sister (A Break-Up Letter)
Breaking up is hard to do. Let the Hipstery close the door for you. Not only will the rejection come from a neutral third party, we’ll be tactful and discreet. You tell us the reasons, we’ll break it down gently for your soon to be ex in a compassionate letter.

The offer will be strictly limited on these two days and only as long as supplies of our extra goodies last, you’ll know when its over and you are too late for that day, as we’ll de-activate the coupon code and add a new journal entry/twitter/FB.

May the arrows from cupid’s bow hurtfully spear us all!

Last week I bought bread. This in itself is not all that novel, in fact every week I buy bread at least once. Only this time I forgot that I bought bread because I put it in a stupid place in the pantry. Every day I cursed the fact that I didn’t remember to buy bread. “Why don’t you have a nice sandwich?” “Oh that’s right you can’t you imbecile, because you forgot to buy it. Idiot”. These were the conversations I had with myself during the period within which I forgot that I had bread. All the time the bread was there tucked away at the back of the shelf silently mocking me with its grainy goodness.

So I bought more bread. I ate that bread. It tasted good. Several weeks past. Then while arranging my shelf I stumbled upon the lost bread hidden at the back to next the Worcester Sauce. It was green. When I moved it a beetle scurried away. True story.

What is the point of this story you may ask? Well it’s a convoluted and absolutely unnecessary anecdote that I’m using to emphasize the importance of not letting things get stale, and I guess also while secondary to the point I was trying to make, the importance of organizing the food in your pantry.

Okay, however, what does this have to do with the Hipstery?

Well, lets work this clumsy metaphor (or is it an analogy?!) a little more, you are me, the hipstery team is the kitchen, the checkout quiz is the bread, improved style is the sandwich. Clear now? Of course not.

Basically we didn’t change the survey for a while now and it was getting stale. So we’ve just added a heap of new questions (it pulls them at random so most likely get a mixture of old and new). The new questions are still fun, build upon the science that underpins our selection process, and have been created taking into account the thousands of responses to our original questions. So we’ve more faith than ever in our ‘patented style algorithm’.

Here are some of the teams favourite new questions for your ponderance:

We are expecting “hump like rabbits” to be the top response to this one. Surprise us.

Did you know there really was a superhero called “Arm Fall Off Boy’” who’s special power was the ability to remove his left arm from his body (the act made the sound PLORP), he then used it to bludgeon people with? No I’m not making this up.

Okay so I confess this question was mine and is unlikely to affect any shirt selection decision, but I’ve long wanted to start “fannypackattack” an online store reselling fanny packs of the 1980s and here I can undertake primary research on their potential popularity. Investors, I’m open to discussing this exciting business opportunity.

You should also note that today is the last day of our Double Vision sale, and the chance for you to save 15% on the shirt price of any two or more shirts.

Making friends is nice, we all know this. They can come in real handy when you want to move, need a lift to the airport, or need a small fiscal donation. The problem with making friends is that the world is over populated with simpletons and dullards. This can make the task of new friend acquisition tricky, like running a marathon, or not insulting your mother-in-law when she drops by unannounced.

Luckily there is a shortcut – meeting friends of friends. Chances are they already did the required background checks on this person saving you time and paperwork. Plus since they like them, and you like the person that likes them, there should be some overlap there, resulting in bonding potential.

As you probably already know, the Hipstery is your friend. We love all that you are about, you are a little charisma machine! If you need a few euro’s for liquor over the weekend, we’ll be happy to lend it to you, no problem at all, and don’t worry about it, we barely charge any interest. If you want a lift to the airport sometime we will totally pretend that’s not problem until later when we will invent a problem that makes us unavailable. There’s no need to thank us, that’s what true friends are for…

So lets share friends, friend. Where do friends meet and hang out and swap stories? Well the internets of course, on Facebook. Here is the deal, you introduce us to your friends, you can meet our friends, we thank you with Hipstery experiences.

Once we reach 250 fans
- 5 randomly selected fans win a free Hipstery liberation experience.
- We start FFF – Facebook Fan Friday, where we select one Hipstery fan at random every week and reward him a free shirt and an interview here in Hipstery Journal.

Once we reach 500 fans
- 10 randomly selected fans get a free shirt
- Big special offer here on the site.

We’ll also ask all those 10 winners how they found us and if you suggested them to join our group, you’ll get a special secret something-something as well.

So feel free to use the “suggest to friends” function, let’s spread our Hipstery liberation experiences to your nearest and dearest.

Here is our Facebook group, become a fan, get free shirts, help spread the word